Sorry to vent and that this a bit long, but if you're in a counseling or consoling mood please read and give me some advice:
A bit frustrated and even somewhat pissed foot man today. The wife and I took a day trip yesterday to a small, sleepy, little town to stroll and shop. Though it was fun, it could have been a great foot day for me, but it was anything but.
It's still hot here in Florida but she wore long pants yesterday instead of shorts. Not a big deal-she did wear a pair of her comfortable flip-flops. The problem? Several little things happened during the day that just frustrated me greatly:
- (Preface: I love wet feet and girls walking barefoot in the rain) During the day a heavy rain storm (no lightning though) came up and we had no umbrella. We were in a store when it started, but needed to cross the street to get to some other shops. She's always complained about her feet getting wet and how much she doesn't like it, and she started into it again. We waited inside the shop for several minutes and the rain didn't begin to slow down. While we're standing there we saw, and she even commented on, two women (unfortunately older, with unattractive feet) walking barefoot in the rain, carrying their shoes. I said "you could do that" and she replied "I might step on something".
We eventually went outside to see if we could cross. We stood underneath a slim awning, the water dripping off it was splashing onto her feet. There was a wide torrent of water probably 1/2 deep running down the curb on both sides, and sheets of water running down the street, but her feet were already getting wet, so she finally convinced herself that we might as well cross the street. She tried to take as a big a first step as she could but could not step far enough to get over the rushing water. It flooded over her right flip-flop and foot.
Besides the rain drops falling on her feet every step brought a wave of water over each foot and flip-flop. The webbing and leather piece where it met together was totally soaked by the time we got across the street. Her feet and flip-flops were so wet her feet squeaked. knowing there was nothing she could do, she said nothing else about them, and they eventually dried off somewhat in the air conditioning of the other shops.
Anyway- what would you suggest I say (or do) to discourage the whining and complaining about wet feet? Do your gals make a big deal out of this? Do they ever remove their shoes and walk barefoot in the rain? (You see girls doing that all the time here in Florida).
Actually that night, during the "heat of passion", I actually did tell her that I thought wet feet were sexy. She gave no reply, but from the increased thrusting as I mentioned it, I know that she now knows that I find it VERY sexy!
- Secondly, on the way home we stopped at a big box retail store. I had noticed online that all of their sandals were on end-of-season sale and I was dying for her to try some on and buy a pair or two. I knew we'd definitely visit shoes because I was looking for a pair of sneakers myself. We eventually got to that part of the store and I headed to shoes while she hit the women's dept. I was giddy with anticipation just walking down the sandal/flip-flop aisle.
I found a pair of shoes for myself and browsed around the sandals some more while waiting for her. Many of the sandals and flips were very baring (which I love) and very flat-soled, which I also like. I knew they probably wouldn't necessarily be described as "comfortable" but I see lots of girls and women wearing them. I was looking at a pair of flat, thongs when my wife walked up. I said "honey they've got all their sandals on sale, why don't you try some on?" These are only 3 bucks!" She glanced at them quickly and said "they're not very comfortable" and began to walk off. I said 'well they're cute, and you'd only have to wear them for me, like when we go out". She replied "no, they look too uncomfortable." I was so frustrated and hurt that I had a hard time making myself follow her. She knows how much I love her wearing sandals and flip-flops, and that I'd like to have a large collection of different styles. And let me emphasize that she was not mad at me for any reason. We'd had a nice day together.
So again, I was just very baffled by her lack of interest and response. I ask again, anything you think I should have said or done to get her to do this? We don't get to these stores often, so it was just a perfect opportunity. We could have spent lots of time there. What would you do now that we're back home?
If you've read all this- thanks! and I'd love to hear any suggestions you have for a forlorn, frustrated footbro.
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
dear frustrated footbro,
feetluvr.... lemme just say plainly.. this situation.. I can relate to a lot more than you think!!!
I won't bore you with the details of how well i can relate.. just take my word for it.
some women are into pleasing their men and are into the 'girlie' things of life.. others aren't! and not much you can do about it.
what you can do much about is how you handle the situations as they arise. how you handle them may open up more chances in the future.
my lady hates it when i appear to her to act like a spoiled brat.. that is to say.. show any kind of disappointment whenever she opts not to do something I like.. even the slightest drop in my demeaner comes across to her as me being a spoiled brat.
the best way i've got her to try stuff in a store.. i would casually mention it in passing.. pointing to a style i know she likes instead of one i like.. and not linger on the topic.. over time.. she softened her position and tried on that i liked as a 'reward' for not pressuring her. granted.. tried my patience.. but got rewared later.
it's not perfect.. but beats never seeing her try stuff. i know how frustrating it is.. i run a forum with pics of women in heels.. and i've had women volunteer for me to take pics of them in heels.. imagine how much it cuts me to know.. half the heels she own.. i personally picked out and bought.... but yet.. she won't model for me...using the pretext that her hair isn't done right (and i'm only taking pics of her feet in the heels mind you)
me focusing on the disappointment has stressed me out and she kept on living just fine.. but me focusing on other things and learning to let the disappointment slide (trust me.. it's a million times harder than i'm describing it).. has opened the door of chance.. and sometimes.. she'll surprise me and wear a pair of heels in the situations that i love and she could care less for..
it's a major compromise.. and one that often makes me sad.. but today.. as I look at it.. she's come a long way in accomodating what I love about her feet and her heels.. showing her i appreciate that has helped her accomodate me more. (this is said with the fact i still emotionally feel she's not doing enough). however.. i much rather what i've got today than what i've had when we first started dating.. and i don't want to ever go back.
lastly.. i always tell myself.. what kind of guy breaks up with his fiance because she didn't want to try on shoes in a store.. or didnt' want to have her feet touched? then.. i tell myself i don't want to be that kind of guy!!!
sure.. its a hurtful emotional process that can be super frustrating.. but think of the reverse.. something you could not care for.. or even hated.. and she constantly nagged you in the middle of the game to do it!!!!
my fiance once said.. it can be a mood killer when you're in the middle of a perfect moment out and about with your man.. and all he can think about is how wrong you're moving your feet.. it's like nagging in the middle of the game! she'd rather i wait until the perfect moment is passed (ie commercial.. or end of the game) to make a small mention of it.. or just suck it up and let it ride.
women think differently than we do.. it does hurt at times when my friends will take me to a shoe store and try on shoes I like to see while they purchase the shoes they want.. because they know i like heels.. and my lady won't do it for me unless i make a push for it.. however. by being super patient .. she now either ask me to get the shoes for her.. or she'll make a day of trying on shoes as a date (not more than twice a year on average). to me.. that is twice more than i used to get.. and i'm optimistic that it counts for something with her!
RPM
p.s. trust me.. if there was a magic pill to get her to endulge me more.. i'd make it.. market it.. sell it.. be rich.. and have her endulge me more ... alas.. no such luck!
hope my long reply helps.. you're not alone
Posted by bluetoelover (Member # 14736) on :
I know how you feel bro! My girl is 60/40 with the my "foot thing". The 40 being how much she will indulge me. Some times when I want to just play with her feet or anything to do with her feet she will get pissed off and then other times when I'm not really pushing the subject she will indulge me. Talk about confusing a guy! When one of the methods work I make a mental note of it and try it again in the near future, but surprise surprise, she shoots me down. I realize I should be thankful to even BE ABLE to touch her feet let alone other stuff, it just feels like I am now spoiled in some way, when she says no to it then I get kind of asshol-ish to her which is not the best way to act towards her. But Im gonna stop rambling and my best advice for ya is to maybe try and get creativ e in the way you go about asking her to wear stuff for ya...worth a shot anyways!
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
RPM- thanks so much for commiserating with me and advice! I understand completely what you're saying about copping an attitude. I have done it before, much worse than I did yesterday, and "paid the price." (An intricate psychological game of cat & mouse we play with our spouses at times isn't it?) In fact even reverse psychology is used per your comment: "I would casually mention it in passing.. pointing to a style I know she likes instead of one I like.. and not linger on the topic.. over time.. she softened her position and tried on what I liked as a 'reward' for not pressuring her")Because of my experience I knew better than to belabor the point and blew it off pretty quickly. We had no hard feelings or attitudes between us the rest of the day, and as I mentioned, even had sex last night.
I guess my frustration is that things have been going so well all in all and she indulges me so much. Yet on the advice of many here on the forum when I first decided to tell her about my fetish, I have not tried to "unload everything on her" all at once, instead slowly and steadily feeding her info and suggestions as the occassions permit. I guess I wasn't really prepared for a "set-back." I was expecting her to try on lots of sandals and buy a pair or two even if it was just to make me happy.
As far as getting rid of her- I can't and won't- we've been married 25 years. So it's share, discuss, contemplate and compromise.
As far as being too focused on her feet- I try my best not to do that either, and don't think I do. Yet it's added a "fresh" dimension to our sexual interactions and it's seemed at times to be even "fun" for her. When she goes barefoot or wears sandals I tell her how nice she looks and how much I appreciate it, but don't obsess with little things while we're together.
As you said, at times it can be incredibly frustrating because we all know a women who, if her husband told her that he liked shoes or sandals, would intentionally make a beeline for the shoe store and try on lots of stuff just to get him hot and bothered. We'd all love that!
Anyway, thanks for your copious and very concientious advice!
Bluetoelover- sometimes there indeed seems no rhyme or reason in a women's thinking and behaviour. We have to deal with it the best we can! And I do trey VERY hard to always appreciate everything she does for me in the foot-realm. Thanks for your comments!
Posted by nose4toes (Member # 16640) on :
feetluvr,
I couldn't help but notice all the positives, intermixed with some of the disappointment you shared with us. It seems to me you have a lot to be thankful for. The big pictures seem to be that you have a great relationship with your wife, one that so many people seem unable to achieve. You share so many things together, and you are both even integrating your love of feet into the mix. Great job!
As has already been said, better than I could ever say it, a relationship (especially a long term one) requires constant tweaking, and there are good days and bad. But it takes time, it takes patience, and it takes a lot of work on the part of both parties. It sounds like the you two of have all of these things, and then some.
It's a big spinning wheel (as the song says). It's all about cycles, ups and downs. You take the good days with the bad, and as long as you're happy overall, life's good!
Best wishes!
Posted by Fate111 (Member # 2627) on :
I completely agree with what RPM and bluetoelover had to say about your situation. Better to just not make an issue of not "getting your way", although it's tough and I'm sure you were very disappointed, and not make a big deal by nagging about it. The whole "spoiled brat" analogy is definitely on the money. I'm sure any woman would find it downright annoying if this kind of issue was brought up and a big deal was made about it on the guy's part. Better to just suck it up, blow it off, and move on. Making a big deal about it would only cause her to think less of you on a long term basis. It also could be that she may have been testing you to see how you would react in that situation. I think by you making suggestions and letting your preferences be known and then dropping the issue and not making a big deal about it is definitely the mature way to go, rather than constantly belaboring the point. People in general don't want to be forced to do anything. Better to make your likes be known to her, and then just step back to let her take it all in, process it and don't let her feel like she has to comply. It might take awhile for her to come around to your way of thinking and there's a chance that, ultimately, she may not. However, there's always that chance that she will if you don't constantly bring the issue up and make a big deal about it. Just be thankful that she indulges your fetish with you on a fairly steady basis. Anything on top of that is just icing on the cake.
Posted by Ummmmm (Member # 15145) on :
Sheeeeesh! I can't relate to what you all are going thru...my wife is soooo accomodating that I feel like I'M THE LUCKIEST GUY IN THE WORLD!!! Sorry for shouting but, when I met my wife and told her up front of my FF, she went out of her way to entice me with them! Dudes, that's why I had to marry her. Now, I'm not advocating dumping your partners but, I've never got involved with ladies who didn't share my pleasures so, I am no help at all. Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ummmmm: I can't relate to what you all are going thru...my wife is soooo accomodating that I feel like I'M THE LUCKIEST GUY IN THE WORLD!!!
I'm very happy for you bro! and hopefully someday my wife will be that way, knowing what I like and doing it as often as she can.
As I've shared before many times, I regret not having told her about my fetish when we were engaged to see whether she was going to come on board or not. I probably would have married her anyway (I do really love her, she's got a marvelous personality and she's got a great looking body too) but it would have enlightened her early on in our relationship. Think where I could have been by now. But had she been really adamantly opposed to it, I might have reconsidered, because it was already a very strong influence in my sex life.
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
feetluvr,
you sound like me... i love my lady too much to walk away. that is why i've proposed. I wanna spend the rest of my life with her. within the first several months of knowing her.. i started telling her bits and pieces of my interest in her feet.
so.. it's no surprise to her. if i had to do it over again. i would have 'spedup' the process. instead of taking my sweet time introducing her to it.. i probably would have waited a few months longer and then just tell her all. But who knows that could have overwhelmed her and scared her and i would have lost her.
but the longness of me telling her my interest has left her with a feeling that she will never hit the point of my satisfaction.. that i'll always raise the bar that much higher after she's achieved a new landmark.. so.. she's kinda sticking her heels in the ground and taking her sweet time to do it on her terms.
i'm figuring that if i had not drawn it out (in her minds) then.. she'd be able to make strides better. but.. as far as i was concerned.. i feel i was clear... and over time.. i've softened my position considerably!!
the upside.. me being cool and patient has openeed a lot more opportunities and she's been really endulging me more and more with each passing year... my gut feeling is that in time.. i'll be getting it a lot mroe than now and i'll be that much happier.
an online pal said his wife was the same at first.. very reluctant.. but now.. she's a lot more open and he's that much more satisfied. so.. chancge can happen and it can be really good.
RPM
Posted by dougiezerts (Member # 6829) on :
I'd say just be honest and tell her that you like seeing her feet wet. My girlfriend and I walked in the rain one day, this summer--and she took her sandals off! Actually, I think she did it more because she wanted to, although I'm sure she knew I'd like to see it.
Posted by Lyrical (Member # 6603) on :
Maybe she really just didn'tlike the sandals. I do however understand about the indulgement thing. Alot of women seem to be that way but I say if you are indulging her then she should indulge you as well. A young lady at my job says her opinion is that there would be a lot less infidelity if women did not say no so much. her words truly. She especially believes this when it comes to marriage so who knows. But when i get the brush off, i probably act spoiled but its only because I had been anticipating it all day.
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by dougiezerts: I'd say just be honest and tell her that you like seeing her feet wet. My girlfriend and I walked in the rain one day, this summer--and she took her sandals off! Actually, I think she did it more because she wanted to, although I'm sure she knew I'd like to see it.
As I mentioned, I did tell her- during the heat of passion that I love to see her feet wet, so I know she heard me. Hopefully she'll be able to bring herself to either a) lighten up on this attitude or b) do it just indulge me. Really wish I had some idea where this "wet feet phobia" came from.
It's just frustrating that something like walking barefoot in the rain that's so innocent and that most girls won't think twice about is such an issue for her. For many it's just the practical thing to do. We get thunderstorms in Florida almost every afternoon. Consequently with 99% of females wearing sandals or flip-flops some of them are going to get caught somewhere in the rain. What better footwear than sandals/FF's to have on because 1) she can take them off and go barefoot, keeing them dry or 2) they'll dry off quickly once she's inside anyway. Not like sneakers and socks which would stay wet much longer.
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by Lyrical: Maybe she really just didn't like the sandals.
Frankly she didn't do anything more than glance at them- it was a real brush-off. They were very flat, very thin, inexpensive thong sandals and I'm sure not real comfortable. But as I mentioned, it's not like I'm going to ask her to wear them all the time. But more importantly it's the issue her interest in indulging me (or in this case not indulging me). I bought her a pair of very inexpensive flip-flops and a pair of plastic thong sandals last summer. She's worn the flip-flops several times and the sandals a few times to church. I'm perfectly happy with that.
quote:I do however understand about the indulgement thing. Alot of women seem to be that way but I say if you are indulging her then she should indulge you as well.
I assume that you're looking at the fact that I go shopping with her (without ever complaining)as me indulging her. We have a pretty even give and take in our relationship. The big difference, as some women will see it, is that my indulgence involves sex or sexual arousal where hers doesn't. Not sure it should be considered any differently, but I'd say my wife does, at least to a degree. I think she tends to "weight" my need for her to indulge me differently and heavier than me indulging her because it's related to sex. In other words, it would be different if she could indulge me by grabbing a capuccino at Starbucks rather than trying something on that I find sexy.
She's always been a very strong-willed person. Not afraid to share her opinion. Honestly I've been amazed in some ways that she's indulged me as much as she has already. The other thing that frustrates me is that she never shares with me any little ways I can indulge her. Sure she wants romantic vacations in Hawaii, and cruises, etc. But never any little things that she likes. I do btw, give her small, usually hand-made cards and gifts from time to time.
You mentioned the girl in your office saying that women talk too much. I'm not sure I agree with that. She deserves her opinion. She's not my slave. Besides, my wife doesn't have to talk to let me know she's angry or perturbed or feeling out of sorts. On the other hand, I'd do just about anything she wanted, whether I really liked it or not, to make her happy, ESPECIALLY if it involved sex. If she wanted me to wear apair of her panties and a feather boa to bed because it made her hot as hell- I wouldn't even think twice or question it. I'd do it simply because she likes it. I guess that's what I'm hoping she'll feel and do.
She's pretty conservative and naive, especially in the realm of the foot fetish world. Consequently I've always had to build up a lot of confidence, (or hormones) before made requests of her to indulge me- things like asking her to wear sandals while we have sex or me cumming on her feet or her giving me a footjob. I know these were totally foreign concepts and ideas to her before I requested them. Yet she's done them all.
Hopefully it was just a bad day for her. I think I'll try again, but next time either buy them for her myself, or lay out the "trying on" as part of a bigger planned day or evening activity where I tell her beforehand what we're going to do.
Thanks for your feedback.
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
Feetluvr,
I feel like i'm looking into the mirror of my life.. with a few small differences.. you're married and i"m going to get married... you're into sandals.. i'm into high heeled pumps.
gosh.. it's just flat out amazing that I'm reading part of my existance!!!!
Ok.. what I was going to say is that I had a long chat last night with my lady on this topic.. really long chat. And she was a good sport and actually spoke her mind about it instead of being very personal.
she said she's not totally opposed to what i have in mind.. she feels she's accomodated me enough for now and that when our life styles changes and calls for more heels or taller heels.. she'd be more than happy to endulge me more at that point in time. her focus is on other things that she feels should be more important to me than what she has on her feet.
and yes.. just like your wife.. she's very strong willed and very independent.
she also mentioned a distinction between sexual endulgence and non-sexual endulgence. she feels that she's given me so much support (and alot of it.. i've taken either for granted or wasn't interested... according to her) and she's worked hard to accomodate my tastes (many of which are new to her and i'm the one introducing it to her). she said though she doesn't talk to her friends about it.. they don't mention to her that their men are into anything i'm into.
she feels that if i could pick up more on the little things she likes.. and do them more often.. in the future it would pay off huge dividens.. but because she doesn't tell me what those things are.. i'm in the dark.. i do a lot of little things that i feel she'd appreciate.. which she does.. but i'm not really sure if it's "the" little things she get' the most pleasure from.
so.. she's talking more.. I know she's happy. she told me a few things she misses that I do but not enough of. she said if I can't figure it out soon enough.. she may just write me a list.. and when the balance is struck.. hopefully at that time.. our lifestyles will permit her to feel more comfy endulging me!
ok.. i shared a lot of myself here because I felt it would shed a little light into what may be going on from one woman's point of view. Just like feetluvr.. anything my woman ask for.. no matter how weird it may be to me.. i do it without a second thought (only one time i hesitated.. because it was a very very public demonstration and involved a style of clothing that i never thought looked manly) other than that.. i don't hesitate!!!
i sometimes feel I give too much compared to what I get. but when I calm down.. i do get a lot considering where she's coming from. Overall.. I'm super happy. I only feel sad the times I really wanna see her in high heels and she ops not to. (but those times are getting fewer and farther betweeen.. ever so slowly)
nuff about me.. feetluvr.. seems we're twins in terms of how our relationships are moving on the topic of endulgence.. never met that before!!
RPM
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by RPM: I feel like i'm looking into the mirror of my life.. it's just flat out amazing that I'm reading part of my existance!!!!
Well that's one of those things that makes this forum even more special!
quote:she feels she's accomodated me enough for now and that when our life styles changes and calls for more heels or taller heels.. she'd be more than happy to endulge me more at that point in time.
I'm sure every woman has her own feelings, guidelines, limits, etc. as to how often, how much, and to what degree they're going to indulge or accomodate their man. As men, we're going to be pretty demanding or desiring because 1) we're under the influence of testosterone 2) we're under the influence of a specific fetish, and 3)we're excited way more than they are by visual things. So I'm sure we seem to ask a lot.
It's also more difficult if your wife isn't really into something as much as we are our fetish. I try to imagine if my wife was into shopping all the time or into a certain hobby, (something that I wasn't into at all) and she was making requests of me to indulge her all the time. I'm sure it could get a little challenging and/or frustrating for me at times. But again, everyone weighs that against how much you love and care for someone.
quote:she also mentioned a distinction between sexual endulgence and non-sexual endulgence. she feels that she's given me so much support... and she's worked hard to accomodate my tastes (many of which are new to her and i'm the one introducing it to her)
I truly believe that most women, for whatever reason, are going to give more "weight" to a sexual indulgence than a non-sexual one. Maybe because it's so personal? Could also be that they see it as something "extra" that they don't personally have a need for (not true with all women, but apparently is for your fiance' and my wife).
quote:she said though she doesn't talk to her friends about it.. they don't mention to her that their men are into anything i'm into.
This could be that she's very private. My wife's also the same way. Neither she, nor I, have ever spoken publicly (seriously or jokingly) about our sex lives or desires. I had to strongly encourage her to get her to discuss a sexually related issue with only her closest female friend. She really didn't want to do it.
quote:she feels that if i could pick up more on the little things she likes.. and do them more often... but because she doesn't tell me what those things are.. i'm in the dark.. i do a lot of little things that i feel she'd appreciate.. which she does.. but i'm not really sure if it's "the" little things she get' the most pleasure from.
Indulging her and making her happy is of course a very reasonable expectation. But she needs to be able to tell you what her little things are. A si said somewhere before it is a bit of a "cat and mouse" game we play with each other as couples, but it's best if there's very little, if any guessing going on. Make sure you discuss this, not just once but every so often because wants, desires, and needs change in a relationship over time. We've been married 25 years and are still changing and growing.
quote:she told me a few things she misses that I do but not enough of. she said if I can't figure it out soon enough.. she may just write me a list.. and when the balance is struck.. hopefully at that time.. our lifestyles will permit her to feel more comfy endulging me!
Just be careful you don't get too much into a "tit-for-tat" relationship. (you have to do this before I do that)The best scenario is that you're both working hard to make the other happy as much as possible.
quote:i sometimes feel I give too much compared to what I get. but when I calm down.. i do get a lot considering where she's coming from.
accurate assessment and persepcitve are sometimes hard to judge, but see the comment above. If you continue making her happy. hopefully some day she'll blossom like a flower, opening up to a whole new level of indulging you.
quote:Overall.. I'm super happy. I only feel sad the times I really wanna see her in high heels and she ops not to. (but those times are getting fewer and farther betweeen.. ever so slowly)
So she has changed in the past and is still changing for you, that's great! And yes, in a perfect world she'd be running around in high heels all time and my would be in sandals year around, but we both know that's not reality.
One thing I have found is that sometimes the "little lady" doesn't really understand how much we're turned on by and appreciate their indulging us. Sometimes the verbal appreciation is enough- trying not to over do it, but truly expressing my appreciation.
But I've also experienced some huge gains in my desire to indulge her after she's indulged me significantly on one occassion. Of course it should not always be one leading the other or waiting on the other all the time, but it happens that way sometimes. Just the opposite may be true to. You indulge her extragently once and maybe she'll react positively.
Thanks for long chat bro. Glad I found my soul- (and sole) mate!
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
thanks for the chats feetluvr!!!!
I totally agree with you on the tic-for-tac approach not being healthy!!
my lady has blossomed a lot from the time we hooked up to now. she feels i've blossomed a lot too.
i've always said this... i can be with a woman who is ok with growth and change.. but I can't deal with a woman who won't change or accept change.
i've mentioned to her a lot of what you posted (and other thins I get from this site).. and it's been interesting chat. she says.. the best is yet to come... and as she learns more about what makes me happy.. she get's goose bumps thinking about what she has instore for me later in life. i do believe her when she says that.. i'm always getting surprises (just not on my timing... like you said.. it's a testosterone thing!)
as I learn more.. I do more.. I love doing things to endulge her.. makes me feel good knowing i'm making her feel good.
either way.. she's the right woman for me!! I won't have it any other way!!!!!!!
we'll chat more in the future.. thanks for the time!
RPM
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by RPM: i can be with a woman who is ok with growth and change.. but I can't deal with a woman who won't change or accept change.
I think for us guys our biggest fear is that she'll "hit the wall" and stop growing and changing. That would make things very hard.
quote:she says.. the best is yet to come... and as she learns more about what makes me happy.. she get's goose bumps thinking about what she has in store for me later in life. i do believe her when she says that.. i'm always getting surprises (just not on my timing... like you said.. it's a testosterone thing!)
That's very neat! It's not unlike how we feel about all other posessions and things in life- we want it all now!
The only thing that concerns me is her comment about "getting goosebumps thinking about what she has in store for you later in life." If she's inncocently referring to the fact that she needs to learn and is willing to learn what you like and then indulge you, then that's a good comment. But if she's inferring that she's going to hold you hostage and "reward" you only if you do what she expects, that's an area for concern. Hopefully it's the former.
Not long after I told my wife about my fetish, I was really wanting to "get her up to speed." I wanted to give her a list of everything having to do with her feet that I desired to see, feel and do. But he wiser ones on the forum here, even a lady or two, convinced me not to do that, instead slowly informing her about my wishes and desires.
quote:as I learn more.. I do more.. I love doing things to endulge her.. makes me feel good knowing i'm making her feel good.
Absolutely, making each other happy is a two way street. A relationship can get no better than when both parties are trying to selflessly make the other partner happy and feel loved and wanted. The most difficult thing for guys to understand it that this involves doing and giving her non-sexual things as well as sexual things.
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
quote:The only thing that concerns me is her comment about "getting goosebumps thinking about what she has in store for you later in life." If she's inncocently referring to the fact that she needs to learn and is willing to learn what you like and then indulge you, then that's a good comment. But if she's inferring that she's going to hold you hostage and "reward" you only if you do what she expects, that's an area for concern. Hopefully it's the former.
my ex was the type that got a thrill out of making you pay for every single endulgence she gave you.. man.. did i have to pay through the nose just to see her in 4 inchers!!!!
My lady is the opposite. She loves making a man happy and gets a kick out of seeing the smile on a man's face when he's happy. Outside the heeling thing.. there are many a thing she does for me and to me that makes me blush and smile... and i know that it's not really her thing.. but she found it to be mines and she does those things without me ever asking for it.. she just does it!!!!
so.. i feel rather fortunate and am not worried. I just have learned to relax and go with the flow instead of pressure and push for what I want. that approach works much better with her and leaves me that much happier (though I ccan't say it's always on my terms.. which is not a bad thing either.. she's more creative on her terms.. and i learn and grow more that way)
RPM
Posted by Flicker (Member # 11860) on :
Since she has accomodated you in the past, it's possible that she just wasn't "in the mood" on that day. But it's frustrating when you're so into the fetish, and she's apparently not. It's like trying to convince someone that they should crave a cheeseburger when they don't like cheese and don't care for beef. They're never going to have the appreciation for it that you will, and that's the sad truth.
My wife has a fetish that I don't share (being spanked.) But I have gotten good at it, and play the role that gives her the greatest pleasure. But there are some days when I'm just not into it, so I can empathize a bit with your wife. From what you wrote, it sounded to me as if what she really wanted was for you to be sympathetic... to understand HER likes and dislikes, and point out some sandals that were more HER style, not yours... to be more sympathetic about walking in the water, which she says she doesn't like.
What I would do, is go way out of my way to find the things she does like... to try and help her out of situations she finds uncomfortable. But I would share my feelings about what does turn me on, and what I find sexy. Hopefully, when she's more in the mood, she'll return the favor by doing more things that you appreciate. (If she doesn't, dammit, tell her I'll take her across my knee and give her a good spanking! WHOOPS -- sorry, wrong wife!)
My wife didn't have a foot fetish. But since we've been together, she has developed an appreciation of feet. When we see bare feet on TV, she'll say, "Those are good sexy feet," based on what she knows about my likes and dislikes... or, "those feet are too narrow"... whatever. On my birthday, she bought some white chocolate almond bark (my favorite) and fed it to me with her toes. Wonderful!!!
She's really come around, and I think it's because I do my best to understand her desires, respect them, and please her. It makes her want to do that for me. I have the advantage in that she's very open about what she wants. Your wife just seems to give vague clues. She reminds me of my first wife, who was very difficult to please and not very communicative. (I did eventually learn that she was in a more erotic mood when the house was clean and the bills were paid -- so I did my part.) She had the most wonderful feet -- but it was important to her that I was loving HER feet, and not just "generic" feet. In other words, she didn't want to think that I thought of her as an object, but that my fetish was part of my love for HER -- her body, her mind, her heart... not just her feet.
I realize you try to do this with cards and notes, etc. Good for you!
You don't have an easy job, because she's not making it easy for you. In fact, she seems to use her knowledge of your desire to punish you. But always be kind, understanding, thoughtful, and keep trying. If she doesn't eventually respond, well, maybe she's just a bitch when it comes to your foot fetish. I don't know what to do if that's the case.
I do wish you the best, my friend. Good luck!
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by Flicker: Since she has accomodated you in the past, it's possible that she just wasn't "in the mood" on that day.
I think that's definitely the case, and since this happened I'm becoming more suspicious by the day that it's her hormones, specifically that she might be starting into menopause. (we're both 48) She's been having very erratic periods and although she's been as affectionate as usual, not much in the mood for sex recently.
quote:They're never going to have the appreciation for it that you will, and that's the sad truth.
Absolutely understand that. I'm hoping though that we'll continue to both strive to understand each other's desires and make each happy. The problem is, she' snever expressed any desires, so it may seem to her that it's rather one-sided. But I'd gladly do whatever she wants too, like you do with your wife.
quote:From what you wrote, it sounded to me as if what she really wanted was for you to be sympathetic... to understand HER likes and dislikes, and point out some sandals that were more HER style, not yours... to be more sympathetic about walking in the water, which she says she doesn't like.
I would have gladly entertained her looking at other sandals, and had she wanted to, she would have looked at anything she wanted. She had no desire that day to indulge me. The second point is more difficult, at least for me. I did express some sympathy and concern. I did not force her to cross the street, but frankly we didn't have many options. It didn't look like it was going to stop raining anytime soon. We could have stood in a shop for an hour, I could have gone to get the car and we could have headed home, or she could cross the street to get to the other shops. She's the one that, despite her anxiety, choose to cross the street.
But to express sympathy for something you're finding to be arousing and sensual is difficult. It feels like you're not being honest with yourself or with her. On top of that, I have absolutely no clue where this feeling came from. I've never heard a woman carry on so much about her feet getting wet. As I said before, it doesn't phase most women at all. They walk through the rain in their sandals or they take them off and go barefoot.
quote:What I would do, is go way out of my way to find the things she does like... to try and help her out of situations she finds uncomfortable.
I do go out of my way to be romantic and thoughtful, giving her little cards, notes, gifts, which is what she likes. We talk several times a day on the phone. But I want to do even more.
quote:But I would share my feelings about what does turn me on, and what I find sexy. Hopefully, when she's more in the mood, she'll return the favor by doing more things that you appreciate.
As I mentioned, even though it was in the heat of passion, I did. Will be interesting to see if she remembers. Hopefully she will indulge me when she's in a better mood. It's funny but I view my desire for things like walking barefoot in the rain as a little thing, not a big one, compared to other things that I could be into like heavy bondage or S&M.
quote:My wife didn't have a foot fetish. But since we've been together, she has developed an appreciation of feet. When we see bare feet on TV, she'll say, "Those are good sexy feet," based on what she knows about my likes and dislikes...
My wife has developed an appreciation for her own feet to. In fact I get the biggest kick out of her looking at her own feet, which she does fairly frequently. I'm sure she never had a clue how sexy a man could find them. She's not gotten into being as supportive verbally as your wife. In fact, at times I still feel a bit embarassed or uncomfortable when a foot-related comment is made on tv. Just the other night a sitcom character made reference to her toe ring being sexy. She made no comment. Maybe I should have reinforced it by saying "yes they are!"
quote:She's really come around, and I think it's because I do my best to understand her desires, respect them, and please her. It makes her want to do that for me.
That's the way it should be and what I want for us.
quote:She (ex)had the most wonderful feet -- but it was important to her that I was loving HER feet, and not just "generic" feet. In other words, she didn't want to think that I thought of her as an object, but that my fetish was part of my love for HER -- her body, her mind, her heart... not just her feet.
That's a big key. I definitely love HER feet only (although I do look at other women's feet- but I don't leer, especially when I'm with her) and love all of her, not just her feet, even though at times I focus pretty narrowly on them. But lately I've backed way off that. She's always struggled a bit with that feeling that she, or parts of her, are desired for themselves and not as part of her whole being. I don't know how to overcome that. It's indeed one of those BIG difference between a male and a female.
quote:...she seems to use her knowledge of your desire to punish you.
I hope that's not the case, even when she's just in a bad mood. We'll see I guess.
Hey, thanks for the great response and advice!
[ September 22, 2006, 02:00 PM: Message edited by: feetluvr ]
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
hey Flicker, nice commentary.. and Feetluvr.. good replies too.
I"m jumping in again, only because my fiance and Feetluvr's wife are similar in many ways. and my ex-girlfriend was all about the HER only part too.
what i wanted to say, before I digress, is this. when dealing with a woman who isn't very expressive and super independent.. not a lot of things will make sense to us, the guys in love with them.. but with patience and time.. and talks like this thread.. we learn better!
example...
[quote="feetluvr"]Absolutely understand that. I'm hoping though that we'll continue to both strive to understand each other's desires and make each happy. The problem is, she' snever expressed any desires, so it may seem to her that it's rather one-sided. But I'd gladly do whatever she wants too, like you do with your wife.[/quote]
when i approached my fiance about this very topic.. she replied something like this.... (took a while to get to the info.. but got it)
she had an expectation of what men were like and how they behaved and found that her idea was very accurate in most situations she'd been in. but with me.. she's still not used to me being so in touch with my emotions, so determinded to make her happy even at the cost of my happiness. she says it feels too good to be true and she hesitates at times to fully trust it but is working on it.
she further adds, if i'm that much more in touch with my feelings than she is with hers, then, it should be very easy for me to know how she feels without having to speak so much.
one more thing she adds.. i'm the only guy with the 'creative' interest that she's met. though she knows men love to see women in high heels.. none she met actually will research and go shopping for heels for their gals. none will go out of their way just to get a glimpse of what they like ( i live over an hour's commute from my fiance). and none enjoy feet as much as I do.
Given my cultural background, i'm not into the rereational things she expects (or has seen from other fellas) or the other 'fetish' items associated with heels.. like seeing a damsel in distress in high heels (driving a car in snow.. example)
and as she finishes, with all her needs met to levels above what she anticipated.. asking for anything doesn't make sense to her, because she feels her needs are being met beyond expectation. and she figures because she has let me close to her heart.. i should feel just as content as she is because she's doing what she feels a woman should do for her man (and endulging fantasies ironically isn't always on the list of things she feels she has to do for her man)<by always.. it's mood dependent... location dependent...timing dependent... and variable X which I have no clue what it is yet>
so.. what i'm driving at.... feetluvr, you may be doing all the right things for your gal.. and that may be part of the problem. she's content and feels you must be too. and though you're saying you're wanting more.. it doesn't make sense to her.. how can she be so content.. and you're not and she's giving it her all!!
(side note... when i told my lady of your wife's reluctance to cross the wet road.. she said she was surprised you didn't get the car to transport her across the street. no girl wants her feet wet if there is a way around it.. although she admits if the car was too far, she'd suck it up and walk across.. but if she knew i was getting a sexual kick out of her discomfort.. she'd feel super uncomfortable walking acros.. it's like you getting pleasure out of her agony)
to my lady, the one thing that bugs her.. she feels whatever she does is never enough. I always want her feet more.. i always want her heels taller.. i always want more sexual endulgence. but yet.. she has no issues with getting more of what she likes. (and i've long learned not to 'go for it' every time we are together.. and i've long since made a point of holding back so she doesn't feel she's a thing or piece of meat.. to which she has noticed and is thankful)
through a lot of dialogue and me fine-tuning my listening skills (we both speak differently not only by gender but also by sensory choice of words. i'm very visual in wording.. but other times I can be either very auditory or very emotional in wording.. she's mainly intuitive in wording or very tactical/strategical in wording). by fine tuning and learning how to be more tactical and strategical in my working, she is getting where i'm coming from a lot clearer. (and sharing this thread with her in her wording has opened both our eyes)
now.. she wears more heels.. shows me her feet more... makes more noticeable efforts to endulge me (the efforts were there, but not in the 'language' that i use.. so it appeared not there). she now feels I get her better and am more connected to her and she feels more secure with me and because she feels more secure with me.. she's dialoguing more with me (something I craved and wasn't really getting). with the increased dialogue.. i realize how hard it is for her to verbalize her feelings and how much her sense of security is important to her (and being independent as she is.. made me feel she was a lot more self secure than in fact she was).
ok.. i've said enough. my hands are tired. but you get my drift. i'm the verbal one.. she's the action one. i need verbalization to feel secure and go into action.. she needs action to feel more secure which increases the odds of her being more verbal. it's a science.... i think
but i'm happy with the progress. time will tell.. but things get better as you know more.. and one thing i know.. she loves me a lot more than i'm able to feel.. but when I feel it and connect to it.. i'm impressed!!! thankfully.. she can feel how much I really love her!!
RPM
p.s. flicker.. good points that i've tried and had success with.. others will be tried soon. i do enjoy this thread.. and sharing this with my fiance has gotten her interested in this site a bit more.. and also my site too. she says she's respecting this place more because it's not about a ton of guys drooling and gawking over feet and acting the fool.. but about men being real about what they like.. food for though Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by RPM: she's still not used to me being so in touch with my emotions, so determined to make her happy even at the cost of my happiness.
I'm very in touch with my emotions also, but I think she looks at my desires as largely, if not exclusively physical/hormonal- and that's the very problem. We had a conversation a while back in which I explained to her- that even when I isolate her feet and do something with just them- that's not just a physical act to me. I love her and feel more connected to her emotionally because she allowed me to do that.
quote:...it should be very easy for me to know how she feels without having to speak so much.
That concepts a little scary...none of us are mind readers. That's really not fair- to say to someone "I'm mad at you because of doing.not doing X, ands you should have known that I don't like that. Well, maybe- assuming you guys have had lots and lots of discussion about the topic. Even then, we're always changing and growing. All of us need to discuss and listen to our partners. There's always great danger in assumptions.
quote:I'm the only guy with the 'creative' interest that she's met.
Same here. She's never mentioned knowing anyone else with a foot fetish. In fact, being a social worker, she took several psychology classes, and all the psych textbooks (still to this day) classify fetishes as "abnormal psychology." That's why I was so amazed that she indulged as quickly and thoroughly as she did.
quote:indulging fantasies ironically isn't always on the list of things she feels she has to do for her man... it's mood dependent... location dependent...timing dependent... and variable X which I have no clue what it is yet.
I'm sure every woman has a different view of indulging her man. I belong to another "relationship" forum and know that with women it runs the spectrum from those who will anything at any time, to those who do hardly anything ever, as well as all ranges in between. That's probably a combination of genetic makeup, personality and psychological background.
quote:when i told my lady of your wife's reluctance to cross the wet road.. she said she was surprised you didn't get the car to transport her across the street. no girl wants her feet wet if there is a way around it.. although she admits if the car was too far, she'd suck it up and walk across..
The car WAS a distance away and we didn't have an umbrella. When we were finished shopping at the end of that street, I did go get the car and picked her up.
quote:if she knew i was getting a sexual kick out of her discomfort.. she'd feel super uncomfortable walking acros.. it's like you getting pleasure out of her agony.
I do understand that, to a degree. (I didn't confess that I liked it until much later when we were home.)But that's one of those issues where: do you be honest and tell them how you really feel or keep it to yourself forever. As I mentioned before, the guys and gals here at Wu's recommended that I not "unload" all my wishes and desires on her right after telling her about my fetish. And certainly as a foot fetishist I'm always worried if the time will come when I tell her "one thing too many" or make a request that she just cannot deal with. Maybe this is one of those times. Maybe she's mad that I found it sexy that her feet got wet. But in a relationship, especially marriage, its things like that can sometimes change and grow with time. But if she is dead set against me feeling that way, or really angry, then she needs to let me know.
quote:the one thing that bugs her.. she feels whatever she does is never enough. I always want her feet more.. i always want her heels taller.. i always want more sexual endulgence.[quote]I'm sure a common problem for most of us men. Again some women will roll with it and see it as an interesting, maybe even fascinating adventure into finding out what makes her man tick. Others view it with disdain and disgust, especially if their needs are not being met. Maybe it's just something us guys cannot comprehend because we're so sexual. There are very few things that my wife could tell me that "turned her on" that would disgust me (like pee and poo play) Everything else I would be interested in and excited by, just knowing that she liked it and I could make her happy by doing it.
[quote]I've long learned not to 'go for it' every time we are together.. and i've long since made a point of holding back so she doesn't feel she's a thing or piece of meat..
Absolutely agree, though I must admit I've gone through times where I was going for it almost everytime. At least some type of foot involvement. There for a while I actually couldn't climax inside her, had to cum on her feet, but I knew that couldn't continue for long and was able to muster some self-control. Although I do have to see them every time, and do frequently give them attention during foreplay, I don't let them be the "showcase" for my climax except for every so often.
quote:she's dialoguing more with me (something I craved and wasn't really getting). with the increased dialogue.. i realize how hard it is for her to verbalize her feelings and how much her sense of security is important to her (and being independent as she is.. made me feel she was a lot more self secure than in fact she was).
Very glad to hear that. As discussed above, it's a very necessary part of a strong relationship.
quote:i need verbalization to feel secure and go into action.. she needs action to feel more secure which increases the odds of her being more verbal.
The circle of life! We're exactly the same way.
quote:sharing this with my fiance has gotten her interested in this site a bit more.. and also my site too. she says she's respecting this place more because it's not about a ton of guys drooling and gawking over feet and acting the fool.. but about men being real about what they like..
She's a pretty open minded little gal, but I think if she looks a little closer she'll see just a bit of drooling and gawking, even from yours truly. Glad she's taken more of an interest. If nothing else it should reinforce the fact that you're not some isolated, perverted head case and that there are MANY others like you. I'd give lots of money to be able to get my wifr to see and understand that. Not that it's critical, but it would give me a little more peace of mind. But we are indeed trying to be fair, honest and open about what part our fetish plays in each of our relationships.
Posted by Flicker (Member # 11860) on :
Hey Footluvr and RPM --
Thanks for the positive comments about my post. One of the great things I love about this board is that, as you both have said, people talk openly about their feelings and aren't just fixed on foot-related orgasms. (Not that they're a bad thing, of course!) Anyhow... I get the feeling that, not to stereotype, BUT... guys with a foot fetish seem to be more compassionate, more introspective and thoughtful, more caring. I think I am. Do you think it's true for the majority of us? I do.
(Ain't it great to humbly be superior to the rest of the world? LOL)
Hey, Footluvr -- I was thinking about your appreciation of wet feet. I live on a dirt road, and nearby, a stream runs over the road. You have to drive through it to go any further. I was thinking about taking some photos of my wife walking through it for you, and posting them. She has what I consider to be great feet. Any specific requests along that line? Let me know. (Hurry though, it won't be too long before it freezes over!! It's been getting chilly here in New England!)
-- Flicker
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by Flicker: Hey, Footluvr -- I was thinking about taking some photos of my wife walking through it for you, and posting them.
What an incredible offer. You're wife's a real honey if she'd consdider doing this for another foot-luvin' guy. That'd be great. I'll PM you with some requests.
Posted by nose4toes (Member # 16640) on :
quote:Originally posted by Flicker: I was thinking about taking some photos of my wife walking through it for you, and posting them.
What an awesome idea Flicker!
Same goes for me, feetluvr. Let me know if you'd like me to take "walking through water / puddles" themed pictures of my lady for you. I'd be happy to oblige a foot-brother.
Best wishes!
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by nose4toes: Same goes for me, feetluvr. Let me know if you'd like me to take "walking through water / puddles" themed pictures of my lady for you. I'd be happy to oblige a foot-brother.
You guys are awesome! I wish like anything that my wife was at a place that I could do the same for you guys, unfortunately she's not. I'd deeply appreciate anything you do. I'll send you the PM I sent Flicker.
Posted by nose4toes (Member # 16640) on :
Please feel free to private message me with specific requests, my friend. More than happy to do this!
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
oh my goodness!!! you guys rock!!!!!!
If my lady was ok with the walking in water request.. i'd do ask.. but that would take a lot of 'cunning'.
no, but seriously.. i've gotten my lady to be cool with me taking pics of her feet and heels. but in water.. not going to happen.. can't help there.
but for the other fellas.. you guys rock!!! i'm touched and real pleased to hear this!!!! awesome!!!!!!!
if ever.. i do get a friend of mines who has modeled many pics for me to be by water and dip and get into the water.. i'll pass on that pic to you.
and on my site.. i'll ask the fellas who are cool with wet pics to do me the favor of posting a few.. and have you look at a few!!!!
RPM
Posted by nose4toes (Member # 16640) on :
Feetluvr,
I was going to PM you with this, but I figured I'd share it with everyone.
We were out shoe shopping earlier today, and we saw a pair of flip flops that we bought to take some "wet feet" type pictures. She's not really a fan of flat soled footware, but these seemed kinda cute.
Here are some pictures, let me know if this is the style you had in mind:
cute... very flat though.. my lady is not a big fan of very flat soled footwear.. but that works perfect for me!!!
Nose4toes.. do thank your lady for us!! appreciate this.. and i can see why you like her feet!!! they're cute
RPM
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by nose4toes: Feetluvr- we were out shoe shopping earlier today, and we saw a pair of flip flops that we bought to take some "wet feet" type pictures. She's not really a fan of flat soled footware, but these seemed kinda cute...let me know if this is the style you had in mind
You're right on the money! My favorite style of sandals/flip-flops is flat thongs. Although other flat, strappy designs can also be very appealing. I'm seen some interesting new styles lately. You guys rock!
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Sorry for shouting but, when I met my wife and told her up front of my FF, she went out of her way to entice me with them! Dudes, that's why I had to marry her. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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