[ September 28, 2007, 02:08 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by babeflover (Member # 2953) on :
shit! you've got a problem. i can only tell you to, and i know it is not easy, don't try to impress her, just listen(really listen, women like that shit), small talk to break the ice is key. listen man, if i were you, i'll break the ice by telling her what you just told us here. less the footfetish part, women are suckers for the "honest and sensitivy" crap. fuck it, be nervous, let it show that you are nervous and tell her that you are. i'm telling you, that stuff works, and once you tell her how nervous you are and how hard is for you to talk to her, you'll beguin to at ease. show her that although nervous, you are trying because of her, show her that you are trying, she'll appreciate it.
good luck bro.
Posted by ledaemon (Member # 198) on :
First of all saying a gal that GAVE YOU her phone number is "out of your league" is just downright silly. You obviously made some kind of impression on her in a positive light on the night you hung out with her (and not the night you hid in your room.)
Might I suggest you do a double date with your buddy with the two ladies. This way you can have him there for a little support and put you at ease if you find yourself pulling back into a shell. The only way you're going to break out of this is face it straight up. Don't think too hard about how you need to act or what you will need to say for every possible situation that will come up. Just being able to make small talk with any gal to get to know them first will make you feel a hell of a lot more comfortable then not even trying.
I think you need to work up self confidence in just being yourself and not losing your cool before worring too hard about the potential of getting intimate with her. This will of course come naturally as you charm her for being the intelligent good lookin' guy you claim to be to us!
I order you to give her a call now and don't reply to this thread until you have talked with her and asked her out!
GO! Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
let's just review a few things i've learned in life
1- girls out of your league never give their phone numbers to you... let alone look at you. so.. you need to review what league you've subscribed to.. because this hottie thinks you're worth the efffort of her risking rejection to give you her number! so.. either you're both in the same league.. or you're out of hers and she's taking a big gamble!
2- honesty with a handful of confidence goes a long way with women. so... being open about your shyness with a postive confidence twist is your ace in the hole. tell her that you enjoy her company and you're so impresse with what you've learned.. you're nervous about messing things up.. but confident that in time you'll get to know her as a person much better... women love that!
3- you've heard the saying.. it's all in your head. there is a 90% chance.. she's not going to see how nervous you are and won't care. she's just thinking.. i hope this guy likes me and doesn't shoot me down!!!! few folks really care that much about how nervous you feel. they're too busy worrying about wether or not you see how nervous they are!
4- nothing wrong with being nervous and sensitive. as long as you're breathing.. clean.. and able to support yourself and have some ambition in life (other than just being a couch potatoe).. you've got most of your work done for you. she's thinking you've got something to show. now.. when you talk to her... muster up some confidence... you're smart enough to handle your social phobias.. you're man enough to accept the phobia and deal with it and make light of it. that will impress her more than any other macho stuff you can dish out. she sees a real strong man in you... don't disappoint her (actually.. not calling her.. not talking to her is what will disappoint. meeting up with her will only confirm what she thinks. you're a cool guy)
5- dont' think about you... just go on out with her (by yourself or with your buddy in a double date to take the edge off). be creative. do what feels nice to you... for me... a walk through the park is much easier than a dinner date as a first date. makes me cheezy for sure.. but then.. i was at ease with my head and now the lady is my fiance!!!!!!
bottom line.. good thing you came here to 'vent'. we're cheering for you! now just go have fun like you did the time you impressed her. don't think too hard (a problem for smart guys) and just go with the flow (a problem for smart guys also). have fun. don't worry too much about anything. she's already feeling you.. you dont' have to 'earn' that.. you just got to have fun.. and she'll fill in the blanks and like you even more!
RPM
p.s ok. that was long.. but hey.. that is what i've learned
Posted by markn (Member # 13818) on :
You should hold such anxiety for a first date with a women who has already indicated the yellow light for you to proceed cautiously. If you believe she is beautiful, do not dwell on your fetish now. Enjoy her company as a friend and be a good listener. Once you get by the first two dates, it's green lights all the way home. There will be much time later to introduce your love for her beautiful feet to her when you are both relaxed. Remember, you'll receive twenty bonus points for a wet kiss on the first date. Do not go on a double date. The real "you" champion will shine through one sole to another. Do not go to a movie. At the end of the night you will realize you have hardly spoken to her. Most of all, you have all to gain and nothing to lose. Grab that brass ring, boy. I suffered from date anxiety as an adolescent and allowed it to drive a wedge between myself and those I cherished. Now I live alone in a mountain cave, wallowing in the stench of my age old self pity. Only my steady diet of raw onions and my pure hatred of the love songs heard from the town below provide me comfort. Please, aron, do not become my neighbor in the caves. I absolutely hate neighbors. You deserve better. No more trial run with the phone diaing, get your butt in there and charm the pants off of her, then tell all here.
Posted by ozkar (Member # 13264) on :
It's like jumping off a high dive dude. You stand at the top and feel fear and trepidation, and there's nothing you think you can do to prepare for the feeling you anticipate. Don't anticipate, just hold your breath and do it. You'll discover that everything else will simply occur naturally, you don't have to control it, it won't blow up in your face. Do it once and you'll start to build confidence and you won't ever have to think so hard about a jump again.
Posted by Ticklingsolesmaster (Member # 14850) on :
There was enough good advice already by thoses other members aron. Just remember to not take girls to seriously (I know your 28) (don't get me wrong girls are great i love women and all) but don't go head over heels over theses two girls or girl since it you dive into quickly and rush them down like a pack of dogs then they will get scared and not see you or want to talk to you again etc don't force things in other words
Posted by BGfootlover (Member # 14043) on :
I'm not so good at advices but when I'm nerveous(it's not very often but sometimes happens)I just repeat to myself:CALMNESS,SELF-CONFIDENCE,CALMNESS,SELF-CONFIDENCE... And remember:If you are CALM you can achieve everything! Good luck,dude!
Posted by Rae124 (Member # 328) on :
I, for one, am an advocate of going to the movies with a girl. It's an easy way of gauging whether they like you or not. If they lean on you or put their arm or hand in direct reach of your hand, 9 times out of 10 they want you to make a move. And you get a great adrenaline rush trying to judge when the best time to make a move is And then you can go and get coffee or whatever afterwards and have your little chat there.
Odds are they want to make out with you as much as you want to make out with them.
Posted by Chilean Rose (Member # 14826) on :
Advice from a girl!
It is most likely your awkardness and shyness that has got her attracted to you in the first place! I have always been attracted to the quiet shy type myself. It's very flattering to have a boyfriend that only opens up to you!
Also, the best way to get in her good books? Ask lots of questions. That way she will think you are interested in her (and girls love having their egos massaged) and also it will keep the pressure off you to make conversation. People love to talk about themselves!
I think you should be yourself and try to relax. If she doesn't like you for who you are then A) she wasn't right for you and B) you haven't lost anything so why worry?
Posted by babeflover (Member # 2953) on :
quote."It is most likely your awkardness and shyness that has got her attracted to you in the first place!" Told you, women love that shit.
Posted by babeflover (Member # 2953) on :
@chilean rose. DEACUERDO!
Posted by jediofthefeet (Member # 1463) on :
Aron and Markn, I feel as if we are all related.
My mother constantly tells me to stop going into my "shell", and to get out and meet people. I am an introvert by nature, especially around pretty girls. The prettier they are, the quieter I am until I get to know them. A few of them still intimidate me, one being a model of mine.
Markn, I don't call myself a Jedi for nothing. I too live in a cave, and do not like socializing with my neighbors. Its downright painful when they stop me for conversation.
You would be surprised at how many girls we think are out of our league could really get into us. Honestly, society (male-dominated) created this fascade of people being out of our leagues. Most pretty women don't think they are pretty. Its not them who place themselves in a league of their own, we did. This is the reason you see average-looking guys with seemingly perfect-looking women for girlfriends and wives, and vice versa.
I am one of the last to give relationship advice, so I will leave it to the others who have more experience in that area to guide you.
But when it comes to interacting with women we want to want us, the guy who wrote that blog definitely knows his stuff.
Posted by RPM (Member # 2895) on :
i think everyone put something great out there!! be you and don't think about you.. think about her... ask questions (already said advice)
Jedi, you're so on point. the day i left my teens and said i'd approach any woman I thought was out of my league.. is the day when i started having high heeling female friends. i learned this. they don't think they're in the league we put them.. many feel lonely up in those places!
most of the more mature ladies in those leagues are more than willing to share their experiences with you and even let you get close to their feet (closeness varies from women to women) because they like the experience of being with and around a gentleman who isn't intimidated by their looks.
stay sweet.. stay you!! have fun. don't think about you and how you've got to be. you've got 28 years of expertise being you... so have fun with it.
by the way, i also know from personal experience that being too into me has killed many a pleasant opportunity with really hot gals (and i sometimes get reminded of that every now and again.. but now i laugh about it and some gals are more drawn to me now that i can laugh about my awkward moments). when i'm in the zone.. it's when i'm thinking about anything but me!
RPM
p.s if my fiance was on here... she'd tell ya!
Posted by guitardrew (Member # 6635) on :
sounds to me like youve gotta fix the problem behind your eyes before anything else can get done, and that everything else WILL happen for you as a result of you getting control of your mind. really man i had the excact same issues and decided to seek things to remedy this problem that i was totally responsible for. sounds weird, but the only way youll get free of debilitating anxiety is to first release that your brain is making it all happen and all of the things you fear have become gross exaggerations. i did a tape set with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) i highly recommend goinmg down the path of CBT, anything else (psychiatry/psychology) will most likely give lukewarm if temporary results delaying the inevitable breakdown you could be heading for instead of completely turning your life around. and no matter how you may feel or what you may hear about your issues, they are pretty easy to fix. i turned my entire life around from avoiding almost all social contact or getting drunk most of the time when around people to feeling completely comfortable with myself, with people, with my fetish, and have gotten my first footplay ever in the past couple of years, and now i almost feel like i can do or get whatever i want with people (im not that kind of person), especially activity from women. all this has led me to even more study of the mind's control over my life and ive gotten way into zen buddhism and quantum theory but that is just me, all that needs to be done is CBT, im telling you i cant stress it enough. your problems will END, and when i say your problems i dont mean your everyday little things, i mean your problems mentally, and the way you care about, deal with, and handle the day to day stuff. anyway, i wanted to come on here and blabber to you about this so i hope you can take any of it to help you with your anxiety problem.
Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
[ September 28, 2007, 02:12 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by jubi (Member # 9077) on :
i just had a quick glance of this topic - and i must say that in every post here there is good advice ;D
Hey, maybe the whole purpose of this situation was for you to start thinking about things from a different perspective, reality looks like you see it with yur own eyes and in many cases vision is somehow distorted...
Believe me, cause i have experienced very similiar situation...and fucked up too. But hey, thats the way it goes...i still get butterflyes when talking to gorgeous gals (really a problem if u blush and get a red cheecks syndrom quickly, but funnily enough, i even got compliments that red cheeks look cute:D)
Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
[ September 28, 2007, 02:13 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by jediofthefeet (Member # 1463) on :
Whoa!!! Stop the presses!!!
She asked for your number so she could ask you to hook her up with a dude who works with your roommate?
Back up, we are missing some important information, now that this situation has gone bizzaro.
Who gave you her number? Was it her, her friend, or your roommate?
Answer that for us in your next post.
Until then, here is my take on you being the middleman.
DON'T!!!
You are going to have to be a dick, a jerk, or a wanker about this, and tell her you aren't going to do it. If you do it, then you just got punk'd.
Girls who dump their boyfriend or relationship troubles on guys do it because they see them as friends, and nothing more. A guy told me a married woman at his job approached him with BS about her marriage. He put that crap back on her, and told her to take it up with her husband or one of her girlfriends, not with him.
Think about it. If a girl sees a guy as a contender, then he wouldn't hear a peep about her woes. She'd be too busy trying to get him to like her instead of showing him how much emotional baggage she was carrying around.
If you really want to screw with her tell her, you are an educated, courteous, decent-looking guy with a job who isn't going to emasculate himself by hooking her up with someone else.
Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
[ September 28, 2007, 02:13 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by ozkar (Member # 13264) on :
I would advise against doing any of these kinds of favors for any guy that isn't a good friend of yours.
She just may be searching, and she may think you are not interested, yet you still hang out with her so she thinks you just want to be friends.
If you are interested in a girl, make it obvious, she will respond in whatever way she feels, and that be that. There's no frustrating mind games, no wasted time, no missinterpretation, and everything remains honest between everybody.
If you were to hook up with some other guy that isn't even one of your BEST friends, that's not being honest to yourself. You don't want to do that, and you don't deserve to have to deal with that.
Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
[ September 28, 2007, 02:13 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by ozkar (Member # 13264) on :
quote:Originally posted by aron: I will try to explain to her that I like her and im not going to hook her up with a semi retarded guy that works with my roomate.
Honestly bro, I would probably use that exact line on her. And don't be timid about it either!
Posted by ledaemon (Member # 198) on :
quote:Originally posted by aron: well, i just called her, told her i wanted to make up for the day of the car accident, and was wondering what she was doing today. She said she wanted to go walking up mt. sequoya at sunset. That sounds good to me. I will try to explain to her that I like her and im not going to hook her up with a semi retarded guy that works with my roomate.
Whoo Hoo! A nice nature walk at sunset! My boy it looks like you don't even need to pull the old "car ran out of gas" routine here. I think you said it best with that line and should say it the way Ozkar mentioned! Be yourself and try to be a good listener and conversationalist! I think you are going to be alright as long as you don't get into another car accident on the way! Posted by aron (Member # 13913) on :
[ September 28, 2007, 02:14 AM: Message edited by: aron ]
Posted by ozkar (Member # 13264) on :
![[Thumbs Up]](graemlins/thumbsup.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
And then you can go and get coffee or whatever afterwards and have your little chat there. ![[Evil Grin]](graemlins/evilgrin.gif)