Okay, Fellas. Listen up and Listen good. This is going to be long and a bit tedious, but if the headline description grabbed your attention, this is the most important post you will ever read on this forum.
As you may know, I, the Wiggler, have been single for quite a many years. Nary a date in sight, no chances to massage, kiss or fondle feet, zip. I had just given up hope.
Then, last weekend, I got a girl's phone number at a party and gave her a call. I was a wreck. A massive train wreck of embarassment. Firstly, I was so chicken I had to get my friend to ask for me. Second, I agonized for hours over whether or not to even call her. Thirdly, I pestered her needily and made myself seem as desperate as I really was.
What happened? I got a date, but she blew me off. I went back to my friends, whining, moping, sulking, acting like a child, complaining like a lot of US were on this forum a week or two ago. And all I ended up doing was annoying and irritating my friends. Instead of sympathy, I got a lot of "what a pussy!" remarks behind my back. They are ALL in relationships and/or having sex. That doesn't help either.
QUIZ: Who can guess why this girl wasn't interested in giving me the time of day?
ANSWER: Everything I mentioned and MORE.
Yesterday, while licking my wounds from my humiliating defeat, I was in Barnes and Noble. On a whim, I picked out a book called "How to Succeed with Women." The authors are Ron Lewis and David Copeland. The book has a black cover with just plain white text, is over an inch thick and costs about 15 bucks.
I read Chapter One... "So you Want Success With Women." I'm not a book critic so bear with me. I decided that, if I was going to conquer my problem with dating women, I would have to do it the same way I aced all those other challenges in school: Studying.
I parked my keister in Starbucks with a notepad, a pen, a highlighter and I got to work.
The book itself is very straightforward and is based not on complicated psychology, but common sense. It isn't a bunch of old mothers advice, like "Just be yourself" and "Let them see the real you." It isn't full of cheap tricks like pheremones and pick-up lines that "never" fail. There are no Cosmo-wannabe stupid tips like, "Surprise her with a bouqet of roses." And it's a lot better than your friends saying, very half-heartedly and very vaguely, "Oh, be more confident." How do you do that? You can find out.
On the contrary, this book gives you the harsh reality: the problem is YOU. Yes, you guys. But NO MAN is beyond hope. This book isn't about finding love or being romantic; it's about what we know we want: SEX. This book is the Bible for HOW TO BE SEDUCTIVE.
As I read the book, I glanced across the Starbucks at a young lady in jeans and flip flops. Her feet were beautiful. "Don't be afraid to stare," the book told me. I gave in and stared at her toes. She noticed, then wiggled slightly. Eye contact. "Maintain eye contact," the book instructed. I obeyed. "Smile." Too late! She smiled first.
The Book has power...
"How to Succeed with Women." - A few numbers to throw out. These are all TRUE from MY EXPERIENCE:
9: The number of pages of notes I scribbled in that Starbucks.
13: The number of mistakes I had made with my disasterous date attempt, mistakes I didn't know I had made. Or ANY guy makes, for that matter.
7: Myths about women I had believed all my life that were dispelled. One of them is the "Just be yourself" bullshit, by the way.
10: Habits of Highly Successful Seducers that were outlined for me and easy to assimilate and utilize.
2: Hours I spent in Starbucks learning this shit.
4: Individual women in Starbucks I flirted with that afternoon.
NOW FOR THE AMAZING NUMBERS.
44: The page number I am up to. Out of 445 pages total.
2: The chapter I am reading, but haven't finished.
22: The number of hours that had elapsed since that bitch blew me off.
1: Date I have Sunday night with a beautiful redhead. Who likes to pretend she's a Hobbitt... if you know what I'm getting at.
My friends, I haven't had sex in SIX FUCKING YEARS. I'm getting laid very VERY soon. If not by this wonderful redhead, by someone else. it took me SIX YEARS to get ONE DATE and that one fizzled out instantly. I got another one WITHIN 24 HOURS because I was reading that damned book!
Everything that got that redhead to go out with me came from that book, all the tricks, things to feel, ways to act, bullshit to avoid and ways to talk. AND I AM ONLY ON CHAPTER TWO!!!!
Guys, "How to Succeed with Women" is the BEST 15 BUCKS you will EVER SPEND IN YOUR LIVES. This book has the POWER!!!
You know me, friends. I'm the Wiggler, not a sell-out. I speak the truth. I've felt the pain of solitude and endless horniness for years and I say we END IT NOW.
Read the Book. Take notes. Use all of the wisdom contained within its holy pages. And you've got all you can eat...
Posted by wiggler (Member # 2240) on :
ONE MORE THING:
To illustrate the Book's Power, I will tell you what I said to this girl that sealed the deal. Word for word accurate. Bear in mind, we had been talking about STAR WARS quite a bit.
"You've got a cute guy right in front of you who wants to take you out this Saturday night. And his midichlorians are right off the chart because of you."
When you've finished laughing at what an unbelievably dorky and retarded thing to say that was, I have to add one thing:
IT BLOODY WORKED!!!
The Book will explain why.
Posted by scarlet (Member # 2117) on :
quote:Originally posted by wiggler: Who likes to pretend she's a Hobbitt... if you know what I'm getting at.
Hairy feet are never good for this fetish.
Being yourself works. I don't do anything special, I am confident, I don't play mind games, and i'm not afraid to be a complete nerd(That I am). It got me Daemoness, I don't think I need a book =)
I could have sworn that book was one of the ones Garth finds in Wayne's World though, next to "how to pick up chicks".
Posted by feetluvr (Member # 1570) on :
quote:Originally posted by wiggler: I've felt the pain of solitude and endless horniness for years and I say we END IT NOW.
Go for it bro! Posted by Calico Jack (Member # 2299) on :
quote:Originally posted by wiggler: "Don't be afraid to stare," the book told me.
Well hell, I could've told you that!
Seriously though, while I don't see going out to buy that book in my future, I must say that that was easily one of the most entertaining posts that I've read out here to date, Wiggler. I wish you plenty of luck with your endeavors!
Calico Jack
Posted by Craigy boy (Member # 3340) on :
Is married the same as single?
Posted by guitardrew (Member # 6635) on :
Next time I am in Barnes and Noble Ill have to check that out
Posted by Lick (Member # 2412) on :
I wish they would publish a book for how footmen might succeed. Now that would be science!
Posted by jediofthefeet (Member # 1463) on :
I found sexy author, Barbara DeAngelis' feet while I was in Amazon land. I remember seeing her on television, and immediately wanted to know what was in her closed-toe pumps. Barbara DeAngelis' Feet
I have "How to Attract Anyone, Anyplace, Anytime: The Smart Guide to Flirting". I read it, highlighted it, but never used it.
Why?
As in the movie, "The Barefoot Contessa" (a great movie to see a lot of Ava Gardner's feet), Que Sara Sara. What will be, will be.
If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't.
Posted by Ben Del Amitri (Member # 2724) on :
Congratulations on things working out so well for you! This excellent post is well-written, fun and interesting. I think I'll go score that book and give it a good read.
Posted by ledaemon (Member # 198) on :
I believe I remember seeing a comedy routine on an old HBO show "Not Necessarily the News" about two different volumes of books for meeting the opposite sex. The volume made for "Men Picking Up Women" was a hardbound tome that was 1000 pages long. The other for "Women Picking up Men" was a small paper pamphlet.
I'm no Romeo, but I would think the best advice to anyone is to just be confident and don't come across as desperate and definitely don't make conversation in attempts to make someone feel sorry for you in your long term solo situation.
If all else fails listen to Leykis 101 on the radio...
Posted by wiggler (Member # 2240) on :
IT'S OFFICIAL: She's meeting me for our first date tomorrow. And I'm now on Chapter 4. I have to cram 200 pages before tomorrow 5 pm.
Posted by rockbass2 (Member # 13216) on :
quote:Originally posted by Lick: I wish they would publish a book for how footmen might succeed. Now that would be science!
Alright Ben it is time to start writing. I'm nominating you to write this book! lol
Congrats though wiggler. Good luck on the date!
Posted by Ben Del Amitri (Member # 2724) on :
quote:Originally posted by rockbass2:
quote:Originally posted by Lick: I wish they would publish a book for how footmen might succeed. Now that would be science!
Alright Ben it is time to start writing. I'm nominating you to write this book! lol
Congrats though wiggler. Good luck on the date!
Hello rockbass2 -
No time for that, I've got to get that book and start combing through it!
Posted by rockbass2 (Member # 13216) on :
Ha I hear ya on that Ben. Maybe I should even pick up a copy, because my luck has run out as of late lol
Posted by Calico Jack (Member # 2299) on :
quote:Originally posted by ledaemon: I believe I remember seeing a comedy routine on an old HBO show "Not Necessarily the News"
LOL, I thought I was the only one who used to watch that show, Paul! It was an education that certainly wasn't wasted on me, because if it hadn't for NNTN, I would never have known about Sniglets, and then where would I be today?
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