posted
Heh heh. Nothing to be pessimistic about. Once you REALLY 'move on' (as in get over it) you're happy to simply BE!
PS I'm done with relationships anyway. This fling I had was a total accident and caught be by surprise. Though I am getting better at seeing the warning signs and avoiding them. Next time a chick shows interest I have some good ideas of how to steer clear of her now Posts: 962 | Registered: Jun 2007
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quote:Originally posted by DeadGoon: Heh heh. Nothing to be pessimistic about. Once you REALLY 'move on' (as in get over it) you're happy to simply BE!
PS I'm done with relationships anyway. This fling I had was a total accident and caught be by surprise. Though I am getting better at seeing the warning signs and avoiding them. Next time a chick shows interest I have some good ideas of how to steer clear of her now
????? This wasn't my point 'sigh'. Why avoid women? This behavior will leave you as you are presently. Engage what you fear and desire.
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Not really avoid women. More relationships. I just feel life is cruizier when single. You feel ok. People seem more or less ok. Everything's nice and casual and not too much of a drama. And you can be genuine with people without too much pressure and expectation from them. You have a lot more control over your life and a sense of autonomy.
I guess I like the freedom?
Posts: 962 | Registered: Jun 2007
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posted
Hey thanks for everyone insights. In particular I'd like to thank gq guy for taking the time to help me and others in a similar position and lack of self confidence.
You see the part where I struggle is I have this deep down urge to wanna settle down with a really nice girl, I don't know why, or if it's in my nature or just because I'm insecure or lazy.
My previous relationship was very intense & in hindsight I shouldn't have been such a wuss & put all my time and energy into it, but it's so hard when a serious relationship is what I want.. It comes with great bennefits as regular sex & foot stuff too.
I can get over this girl eventually, I'm trying really hard, & I even know deep down if i loose interest in her she's gonna regret it.
But what happens with the next girl? She might be even better for me. Great! But then I fall in love again & I'm just trapped there in the spiders web ready for when that girl changes her mind. Cos let's face it, what girl really knows what she wants? If there is one like me then please show her to me.
I apologize for letting emotions get the better of me. It's Christmas day & I just feel sad for many reasons. I'm sorry
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
Nah that's ok lamp. I iknow how it is. I've been having up and down days lately. It's slowly getting better.
I'm hoping she's at least acting consistent with you. There would at least be a level of trust.
The thing with me presently is that I don't know if I even trust this girl as a friend. Like, if I do something like delete her from Facebook she chucks a total stink like our friendship is somehow important to her.
quote:Originally posted by DeadGoon: Nah that's ok lamp. I iknow how it is. I've been having up and down days lately. It's slowly getting better.
I'm hoping she's at least acting consistent with you. There would at least be a level of trust.
The thing with me presently is that I don't know if I even trust this girl as a friend. Like, if I do something like delete her from Facebook she chucks a total stink like our friendship is somehow important to her.
But is it just an ego thing with her?
I don't know!!
Yes. It is. Don't worry about her. Do what you need to, to get over her. If seeing her status updates will ruin your day....delete her. Women (people)love the idea that she can have you anytime she wants. Especially the ones that are jacked up. You deleting her is just one step towards autonomy. Her frustration is the fact that there could be negative consequences for her actions. Duh right?
The recovery is slow bro. I'm seeing new women myself but i'm still tempted to shoot her a "merry christmas" text and check up on her facebook page. You know what? I didn't send her that text....but she didn't send me one either. Had I sent it...it wouldn't have helped build attraction.
I'm starting to get back to my old self before the rose colored glasses. I forsee vegas trips, spring break hot hookupos and pool parties.
Don't trust her as a friend. You know how much integrity she has. Only keep her close if she can't hurt you.
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Gq you are full of great advice. My ex did text me on Christmas & it nearly spoilt my day! we made some small and polite chat.
Now she is going to be in the same town as me for a few days, not only that but we're both going to the same place for new years eve.. I'm really gonna have to get prepared for this night.
I know she also wants to be "friends" with me. Do you have any advice say if she wanted to hang out as a friend? Or what I should do on new years eve?!
posted
Women get a confidence boost by knowing that they have admirers. Hence why women post pics on here. And why women want to be friends with the nice guy she just dumped. If she ever feels lonely or down she can hit up one of these guys for a confidence boost...at the expense of course of the guy.
Sounds like trouble to me bro. Could you handle seeing her kiss some other dude as the ball drops? If you can great! Go to the party and have a blast. If not.....I suggest you do something else because that won't be fun and will kill your night.
Sort of sad.....but I always assume a girl is hooking up with other guys till she goes out of her way otherwise. This way i'm pleasantly surprised when I discover she's not....and i'm cool as a cucumber if I find out she is.
As for hanging out as friends.....Dude. Be real with yourself. You don't want to just be friends. You want to kiss her and do all of the fun romantics stuff you used to do....right? You'd just be killing yourself chillin with her. Only do the friend thing when you're completely over her...as in when you reach a point where seeing her with another dude that treats her well would actually please you. Then you two can be friends...ironically at that point she will want you. Of course you won't want her. Then you can keep her around on standby.
Ok. So I suggest for NYE you don't go to the same spot.If you do, go with a date or at least a big group of girls. You don't want to be the dude in the bathroom stall crying cause you saw your ex making out with some douche bag.
If she wants to chill as friends....just blow her off. "I'm too busy" "Maybe next week!" "Hope things are well" "just took up (insert awesome activity here) and it's taking up all my time" "helping a buddy with her homework" "helping a buddy by being her dance partner"
All of this will make her want you more. Why. Because it's a sign you're moving on....and she would rather have you on standby..ready to chill or talk whenever she beckons.
hope that shed some light on your scenario
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
gq that has shed lots of light on my scenario.
you see a few weeks ago i would have done anything for her, now im trying my hardest to take my life back.
i'll admitt, and im slightly ashamed that im really depressed about it, i find everyday a struggle. around 5 oclock everyday for some reason i start to cry.
its pathetic and self pitying, its just a girl for christ sake, but i cant help how i feel. and i am doing a good job of shutting her out.
if she contacts me to hang out i will say no.
as for new years eve, i have A LOT of friends going there, and a lot of people expecting me to be there. so if i dont go, it makes me look like a wuss. if i can go and have a great time and avoid her then thats great. but if i dont go, it makes it look like i cant bear to be around her, and shes won!
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
the other thing that is really killing my mind is that a few days before we broke up we had the most amazing sex!
i dont know what i cant stop thinking about it. and whenever i look at porn or anything i can help thinking about her.
at least i can say that i left her feeling satisfied too. maybe the thought of her getting with someone else is something i have to come to terms with. she has a 3 year daughter, and this is something that puts a lot of guys off, everybody i speak to says that i had a lot of balls to get with her and that they wouldnt be able to do it.
we're both 23 years old. infact thinking about it logically, its a bad bad idea to get back with her probably for that reason alone. when i find someone new im gonna be much better off. just gotta get through this stage.
a lot of what youre saying gq is sinking in. and i really appreciate your help
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
The crying stuff is fine. Just don't let her know. It'll subside soon. Go have a blast new years. I'm thinking about heading down to San Diego myself. Something different.
Just found out the last girl I was dating and was really into has a new boyfriend. So much for her excuse of "i'm super busy and stressed now". I read right through and tried to break it off...but she wouldn't let me. Won't make that mistake again. But it's cool though. I'm highly motivated. Gonna run four miles, lift, play some ball then come home grill some chicken and right a bunch of policy memos to ensure that I kick ass at my job. I needed a lil kick in the pants and now I got it.
Wish you luck bro. I feel your pain here too!
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Cheers gq, I'm glad to hear you're getting on with life and not letting her get you down.
I have to admit I'm struggling..
I'm not really sure what to do new years eve. I think I may just avoid this party but she might think I'm a total wuss. Who knows, maybe I'll pluck up the courage.
Hope everyone else has a good new year!
Posts: 483 | Registered: Jan 2007
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posted
Do what's best for you bro. Screw what anyone else thinks. Besides....everyone will be too busy partying to really care. You're single now bro...so take care of number one!
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Heh heh... ok then. Ok. Ok. Ooooooookaaaaay.
Right... um...
*cough!*
Not sure why I get punished for trying to see the best in people, but I thought I'd just go along with the 'friends' thing.
But it looks like she sees it as an excuse to be even more inconsiderate.
I'm a little freaked out by this. These women who act like they're so pure of heart and incapable of such behaviour and it shakes me up when you see something you don't expect.
Why pretend to be someone you're not? Why decieve people? I mean. You can do it a LITTLE BIT without hurting people to get through life. I'm doing quite well with that myself.
Ok then. Time to start working on my future battle plan.
Posts: 962 | Registered: Jun 2007
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quote:Originally posted by DeadGoon: Heh heh... ok then. Ok. Ok. Ooooooookaaaaay.
Right... um...
*cough!*
Not sure why I get punished for trying to see the best in people, but I thought I'd just go along with the 'friends' thing.
But it looks like she sees it as an excuse to be even more inconsiderate.
I'm a little freaked out by this. These women who act like they're so pure of heart and incapable of such behaviour and it shakes me up when you see something you don't expect.
Why pretend to be someone you're not? Why decieve people? I mean. You can do it a LITTLE BIT without hurting people to get through life. I'm doing quite well with that myself.
Ok then. Time to start working on my future battle plan.
Dude. This was huge for me. When it comes to women "No good deed goes unpunished". Pretty much the nicer you treat a woman...the more shit you will get.Crazy!! I couldn't believe it till i analyzed it. My game is great. Odds are if I take a girl out...i'll sleep with her. Nice. But I hit a road block. The chics i'd be with always lost interest before I did/do. What I did wrong? I was too nice. I was "perfect". Every ex has called me that. No bueno. Going out of your way to please a girl at your expense is not romantic. Done every once in a while. Ok. But refrain. It's tough. Don't offer. Let her ask. I prefer to be nice...it's my comfort zone. I think subconsciously i felt I had to be nice to compensate for my shortcomings. But refraining is a risk that i'm going to take....and i'm certain will bring success. a lil off topic.
Chics like to see themselves as great. As do we. And they are..but there can only be one great/nice one in a relationship. As the man...we have to be the "bad guy" to an extent of course. Ok. So stop being the victim. You're a man that makes shit happen. Shit doesn't happen to you. Reread that last line. Then again. Women are emotional. Not logical. She can care less about how you feel. Every girl wants to feel like a great person. Having a guy around that isn't "better" than them gives them that illusion. Ok.
Friend zone. You/we lost our women because they weren't attracted. Doesn't make sense but is the truth. Of course they want to be friends just in case they were wrong and or because they "like" you. "Like" isn't love or attraction. She's going to live her life though...even if that means holding her new dudes hand in front of you. How you win though is by being unaffected. Having fun and meeting new women.
-------------------- If she won't indulge your fetish, I bet you that cuter, smarter girl across the bar will. Lets go find out. Posts: 1877 | Registered: Aug 2006
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