I totally agree with you on the tic-for-tac approach not being healthy!!
my lady has blossomed a lot from the time we hooked up to now. she feels i've blossomed a lot too.
i've always said this... i can be with a woman who is ok with growth and change.. but I can't deal with a woman who won't change or accept change.
i've mentioned to her a lot of what you posted (and other thins I get from this site).. and it's been interesting chat. she says.. the best is yet to come... and as she learns more about what makes me happy.. she get's goose bumps thinking about what she has instore for me later in life. i do believe her when she says that.. i'm always getting surprises (just not on my timing... like you said.. it's a testosterone thing!)
as I learn more.. I do more.. I love doing things to endulge her.. makes me feel good knowing i'm making her feel good.
either way.. she's the right woman for me!! I won't have it any other way!!!!!!!
we'll chat more in the future.. thanks for the time!
quote:Originally posted by RPM: i can be with a woman who is ok with growth and change.. but I can't deal with a woman who won't change or accept change.
I think for us guys our biggest fear is that she'll "hit the wall" and stop growing and changing. That would make things very hard.
quote:she says.. the best is yet to come... and as she learns more about what makes me happy.. she get's goose bumps thinking about what she has in store for me later in life. i do believe her when she says that.. i'm always getting surprises (just not on my timing... like you said.. it's a testosterone thing!)
That's very neat! It's not unlike how we feel about all other posessions and things in life- we want it all now!
The only thing that concerns me is her comment about "getting goosebumps thinking about what she has in store for you later in life." If she's inncocently referring to the fact that she needs to learn and is willing to learn what you like and then indulge you, then that's a good comment. But if she's inferring that she's going to hold you hostage and "reward" you only if you do what she expects, that's an area for concern. Hopefully it's the former.
Not long after I told my wife about my fetish, I was really wanting to "get her up to speed." I wanted to give her a list of everything having to do with her feet that I desired to see, feel and do. But he wiser ones on the forum here, even a lady or two, convinced me not to do that, instead slowly informing her about my wishes and desires.
quote:as I learn more.. I do more.. I love doing things to endulge her.. makes me feel good knowing i'm making her feel good.
Absolutely, making each other happy is a two way street. A relationship can get no better than when both parties are trying to selflessly make the other partner happy and feel loved and wanted. The most difficult thing for guys to understand it that this involves doing and giving her non-sexual things as well as sexual things.
Posts: 9728 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:The only thing that concerns me is her comment about "getting goosebumps thinking about what she has in store for you later in life." If she's inncocently referring to the fact that she needs to learn and is willing to learn what you like and then indulge you, then that's a good comment. But if she's inferring that she's going to hold you hostage and "reward" you only if you do what she expects, that's an area for concern. Hopefully it's the former.
my ex was the type that got a thrill out of making you pay for every single endulgence she gave you.. man.. did i have to pay through the nose just to see her in 4 inchers!!!!
My lady is the opposite. She loves making a man happy and gets a kick out of seeing the smile on a man's face when he's happy. Outside the heeling thing.. there are many a thing she does for me and to me that makes me blush and smile... and i know that it's not really her thing.. but she found it to be mines and she does those things without me ever asking for it.. she just does it!!!!
so.. i feel rather fortunate and am not worried. I just have learned to relax and go with the flow instead of pressure and push for what I want. that approach works much better with her and leaves me that much happier (though I ccan't say it's always on my terms.. which is not a bad thing either.. she's more creative on her terms.. and i learn and grow more that way)
posted
Since she has accomodated you in the past, it's possible that she just wasn't "in the mood" on that day. But it's frustrating when you're so into the fetish, and she's apparently not. It's like trying to convince someone that they should crave a cheeseburger when they don't like cheese and don't care for beef. They're never going to have the appreciation for it that you will, and that's the sad truth.
My wife has a fetish that I don't share (being spanked.) But I have gotten good at it, and play the role that gives her the greatest pleasure. But there are some days when I'm just not into it, so I can empathize a bit with your wife. From what you wrote, it sounded to me as if what she really wanted was for you to be sympathetic... to understand HER likes and dislikes, and point out some sandals that were more HER style, not yours... to be more sympathetic about walking in the water, which she says she doesn't like.
What I would do, is go way out of my way to find the things she does like... to try and help her out of situations she finds uncomfortable. But I would share my feelings about what does turn me on, and what I find sexy. Hopefully, when she's more in the mood, she'll return the favor by doing more things that you appreciate. (If she doesn't, dammit, tell her I'll take her across my knee and give her a good spanking! WHOOPS -- sorry, wrong wife!)
My wife didn't have a foot fetish. But since we've been together, she has developed an appreciation of feet. When we see bare feet on TV, she'll say, "Those are good sexy feet," based on what she knows about my likes and dislikes... or, "those feet are too narrow"... whatever. On my birthday, she bought some white chocolate almond bark (my favorite) and fed it to me with her toes. Wonderful!!!
She's really come around, and I think it's because I do my best to understand her desires, respect them, and please her. It makes her want to do that for me. I have the advantage in that she's very open about what she wants. Your wife just seems to give vague clues. She reminds me of my first wife, who was very difficult to please and not very communicative. (I did eventually learn that she was in a more erotic mood when the house was clean and the bills were paid -- so I did my part.) She had the most wonderful feet -- but it was important to her that I was loving HER feet, and not just "generic" feet. In other words, she didn't want to think that I thought of her as an object, but that my fetish was part of my love for HER -- her body, her mind, her heart... not just her feet.
I realize you try to do this with cards and notes, etc. Good for you!
You don't have an easy job, because she's not making it easy for you. In fact, she seems to use her knowledge of your desire to punish you. But always be kind, understanding, thoughtful, and keep trying. If she doesn't eventually respond, well, maybe she's just a bitch when it comes to your foot fetish. I don't know what to do if that's the case.
I do wish you the best, my friend. Good luck!
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quote:Originally posted by Flicker: Since she has accomodated you in the past, it's possible that she just wasn't "in the mood" on that day.
I think that's definitely the case, and since this happened I'm becoming more suspicious by the day that it's her hormones, specifically that she might be starting into menopause. (we're both 48) She's been having very erratic periods and although she's been as affectionate as usual, not much in the mood for sex recently.
quote:They're never going to have the appreciation for it that you will, and that's the sad truth.
Absolutely understand that. I'm hoping though that we'll continue to both strive to understand each other's desires and make each happy. The problem is, she' snever expressed any desires, so it may seem to her that it's rather one-sided. But I'd gladly do whatever she wants too, like you do with your wife.
quote:From what you wrote, it sounded to me as if what she really wanted was for you to be sympathetic... to understand HER likes and dislikes, and point out some sandals that were more HER style, not yours... to be more sympathetic about walking in the water, which she says she doesn't like.
I would have gladly entertained her looking at other sandals, and had she wanted to, she would have looked at anything she wanted. She had no desire that day to indulge me. The second point is more difficult, at least for me. I did express some sympathy and concern. I did not force her to cross the street, but frankly we didn't have many options. It didn't look like it was going to stop raining anytime soon. We could have stood in a shop for an hour, I could have gone to get the car and we could have headed home, or she could cross the street to get to the other shops. She's the one that, despite her anxiety, choose to cross the street.
But to express sympathy for something you're finding to be arousing and sensual is difficult. It feels like you're not being honest with yourself or with her. On top of that, I have absolutely no clue where this feeling came from. I've never heard a woman carry on so much about her feet getting wet. As I said before, it doesn't phase most women at all. They walk through the rain in their sandals or they take them off and go barefoot.
quote:What I would do, is go way out of my way to find the things she does like... to try and help her out of situations she finds uncomfortable.
I do go out of my way to be romantic and thoughtful, giving her little cards, notes, gifts, which is what she likes. We talk several times a day on the phone. But I want to do even more.
quote:But I would share my feelings about what does turn me on, and what I find sexy. Hopefully, when she's more in the mood, she'll return the favor by doing more things that you appreciate.
As I mentioned, even though it was in the heat of passion, I did. Will be interesting to see if she remembers. Hopefully she will indulge me when she's in a better mood. It's funny but I view my desire for things like walking barefoot in the rain as a little thing, not a big one, compared to other things that I could be into like heavy bondage or S&M.
quote:My wife didn't have a foot fetish. But since we've been together, she has developed an appreciation of feet. When we see bare feet on TV, she'll say, "Those are good sexy feet," based on what she knows about my likes and dislikes...
My wife has developed an appreciation for her own feet to. In fact I get the biggest kick out of her looking at her own feet, which she does fairly frequently. I'm sure she never had a clue how sexy a man could find them. She's not gotten into being as supportive verbally as your wife. In fact, at times I still feel a bit embarassed or uncomfortable when a foot-related comment is made on tv. Just the other night a sitcom character made reference to her toe ring being sexy. She made no comment. Maybe I should have reinforced it by saying "yes they are!"
quote:She's really come around, and I think it's because I do my best to understand her desires, respect them, and please her. It makes her want to do that for me.
That's the way it should be and what I want for us.
quote:She (ex)had the most wonderful feet -- but it was important to her that I was loving HER feet, and not just "generic" feet. In other words, she didn't want to think that I thought of her as an object, but that my fetish was part of my love for HER -- her body, her mind, her heart... not just her feet.
That's a big key. I definitely love HER feet only (although I do look at other women's feet- but I don't leer, especially when I'm with her) and love all of her, not just her feet, even though at times I focus pretty narrowly on them. But lately I've backed way off that. She's always struggled a bit with that feeling that she, or parts of her, are desired for themselves and not as part of her whole being. I don't know how to overcome that. It's indeed one of those BIG difference between a male and a female.
quote:...she seems to use her knowledge of your desire to punish you.
I hope that's not the case, even when she's just in a bad mood. We'll see I guess.
posted
hey Flicker, nice commentary.. and Feetluvr.. good replies too.
I"m jumping in again, only because my fiance and Feetluvr's wife are similar in many ways. and my ex-girlfriend was all about the HER only part too.
what i wanted to say, before I digress, is this. when dealing with a woman who isn't very expressive and super independent.. not a lot of things will make sense to us, the guys in love with them.. but with patience and time.. and talks like this thread.. we learn better!
example...
[quote="feetluvr"]Absolutely understand that. I'm hoping though that we'll continue to both strive to understand each other's desires and make each happy. The problem is, she' snever expressed any desires, so it may seem to her that it's rather one-sided. But I'd gladly do whatever she wants too, like you do with your wife.[/quote]
when i approached my fiance about this very topic.. she replied something like this.... (took a while to get to the info.. but got it)
she had an expectation of what men were like and how they behaved and found that her idea was very accurate in most situations she'd been in. but with me.. she's still not used to me being so in touch with my emotions, so determinded to make her happy even at the cost of my happiness. she says it feels too good to be true and she hesitates at times to fully trust it but is working on it.
she further adds, if i'm that much more in touch with my feelings than she is with hers, then, it should be very easy for me to know how she feels without having to speak so much.
one more thing she adds.. i'm the only guy with the 'creative' interest that she's met. though she knows men love to see women in high heels.. none she met actually will research and go shopping for heels for their gals. none will go out of their way just to get a glimpse of what they like ( i live over an hour's commute from my fiance). and none enjoy feet as much as I do.
Given my cultural background, i'm not into the rereational things she expects (or has seen from other fellas) or the other 'fetish' items associated with heels.. like seeing a damsel in distress in high heels (driving a car in snow.. example)
and as she finishes, with all her needs met to levels above what she anticipated.. asking for anything doesn't make sense to her, because she feels her needs are being met beyond expectation. and she figures because she has let me close to her heart.. i should feel just as content as she is because she's doing what she feels a woman should do for her man (and endulging fantasies ironically isn't always on the list of things she feels she has to do for her man)<by always.. it's mood dependent... location dependent...timing dependent... and variable X which I have no clue what it is yet>
so.. what i'm driving at.... feetluvr, you may be doing all the right things for your gal.. and that may be part of the problem. she's content and feels you must be too. and though you're saying you're wanting more.. it doesn't make sense to her.. how can she be so content.. and you're not and she's giving it her all!!
(side note... when i told my lady of your wife's reluctance to cross the wet road.. she said she was surprised you didn't get the car to transport her across the street. no girl wants her feet wet if there is a way around it.. although she admits if the car was too far, she'd suck it up and walk across.. but if she knew i was getting a sexual kick out of her discomfort.. she'd feel super uncomfortable walking acros.. it's like you getting pleasure out of her agony)
to my lady, the one thing that bugs her.. she feels whatever she does is never enough. I always want her feet more.. i always want her heels taller.. i always want more sexual endulgence. but yet.. she has no issues with getting more of what she likes. (and i've long learned not to 'go for it' every time we are together.. and i've long since made a point of holding back so she doesn't feel she's a thing or piece of meat.. to which she has noticed and is thankful)
through a lot of dialogue and me fine-tuning my listening skills (we both speak differently not only by gender but also by sensory choice of words. i'm very visual in wording.. but other times I can be either very auditory or very emotional in wording.. she's mainly intuitive in wording or very tactical/strategical in wording). by fine tuning and learning how to be more tactical and strategical in my working, she is getting where i'm coming from a lot clearer. (and sharing this thread with her in her wording has opened both our eyes)
now.. she wears more heels.. shows me her feet more... makes more noticeable efforts to endulge me (the efforts were there, but not in the 'language' that i use.. so it appeared not there). she now feels I get her better and am more connected to her and she feels more secure with me and because she feels more secure with me.. she's dialoguing more with me (something I craved and wasn't really getting). with the increased dialogue.. i realize how hard it is for her to verbalize her feelings and how much her sense of security is important to her (and being independent as she is.. made me feel she was a lot more self secure than in fact she was).
ok.. i've said enough. my hands are tired. but you get my drift. i'm the verbal one.. she's the action one. i need verbalization to feel secure and go into action.. she needs action to feel more secure which increases the odds of her being more verbal. it's a science.... i think
but i'm happy with the progress. time will tell.. but things get better as you know more.. and one thing i know.. she loves me a lot more than i'm able to feel.. but when I feel it and connect to it.. i'm impressed!!! thankfully.. she can feel how much I really love her!!
RPM
p.s. flicker.. good points that i've tried and had success with.. others will be tried soon. i do enjoy this thread.. and sharing this with my fiance has gotten her interested in this site a bit more.. and also my site too. she says she's respecting this place more because it's not about a ton of guys drooling and gawking over feet and acting the fool.. but about men being real about what they like.. food for though
quote:Originally posted by RPM: she's still not used to me being so in touch with my emotions, so determined to make her happy even at the cost of my happiness.
I'm very in touch with my emotions also, but I think she looks at my desires as largely, if not exclusively physical/hormonal- and that's the very problem. We had a conversation a while back in which I explained to her- that even when I isolate her feet and do something with just them- that's not just a physical act to me. I love her and feel more connected to her emotionally because she allowed me to do that.
quote:...it should be very easy for me to know how she feels without having to speak so much.
That concepts a little scary...none of us are mind readers. That's really not fair- to say to someone "I'm mad at you because of doing.not doing X, ands you should have known that I don't like that. Well, maybe- assuming you guys have had lots and lots of discussion about the topic. Even then, we're always changing and growing. All of us need to discuss and listen to our partners. There's always great danger in assumptions.
quote:I'm the only guy with the 'creative' interest that she's met.
Same here. She's never mentioned knowing anyone else with a foot fetish. In fact, being a social worker, she took several psychology classes, and all the psych textbooks (still to this day) classify fetishes as "abnormal psychology." That's why I was so amazed that she indulged as quickly and thoroughly as she did.
quote:indulging fantasies ironically isn't always on the list of things she feels she has to do for her man... it's mood dependent... location dependent...timing dependent... and variable X which I have no clue what it is yet.
I'm sure every woman has a different view of indulging her man. I belong to another "relationship" forum and know that with women it runs the spectrum from those who will anything at any time, to those who do hardly anything ever, as well as all ranges in between. That's probably a combination of genetic makeup, personality and psychological background.
quote:when i told my lady of your wife's reluctance to cross the wet road.. she said she was surprised you didn't get the car to transport her across the street. no girl wants her feet wet if there is a way around it.. although she admits if the car was too far, she'd suck it up and walk across..
The car WAS a distance away and we didn't have an umbrella. When we were finished shopping at the end of that street, I did go get the car and picked her up.
quote:if she knew i was getting a sexual kick out of her discomfort.. she'd feel super uncomfortable walking acros.. it's like you getting pleasure out of her agony.
I do understand that, to a degree. (I didn't confess that I liked it until much later when we were home.)But that's one of those issues where: do you be honest and tell them how you really feel or keep it to yourself forever. As I mentioned before, the guys and gals here at Wu's recommended that I not "unload" all my wishes and desires on her right after telling her about my fetish. And certainly as a foot fetishist I'm always worried if the time will come when I tell her "one thing too many" or make a request that she just cannot deal with. Maybe this is one of those times. Maybe she's mad that I found it sexy that her feet got wet. But in a relationship, especially marriage, its things like that can sometimes change and grow with time. But if she is dead set against me feeling that way, or really angry, then she needs to let me know.
quote:the one thing that bugs her.. she feels whatever she does is never enough. I always want her feet more.. i always want her heels taller.. i always want more sexual endulgence.[quote]I'm sure a common problem for most of us men. Again some women will roll with it and see it as an interesting, maybe even fascinating adventure into finding out what makes her man tick. Others view it with disdain and disgust, especially if their needs are not being met. Maybe it's just something us guys cannot comprehend because we're so sexual. There are very few things that my wife could tell me that "turned her on" that would disgust me (like pee and poo play) Everything else I would be interested in and excited by, just knowing that she liked it and I could make her happy by doing it.
[quote]I've long learned not to 'go for it' every time we are together.. and i've long since made a point of holding back so she doesn't feel she's a thing or piece of meat..
Absolutely agree, though I must admit I've gone through times where I was going for it almost everytime. At least some type of foot involvement. There for a while I actually couldn't climax inside her, had to cum on her feet, but I knew that couldn't continue for long and was able to muster some self-control. Although I do have to see them every time, and do frequently give them attention during foreplay, I don't let them be the "showcase" for my climax except for every so often.
quote:she's dialoguing more with me (something I craved and wasn't really getting). with the increased dialogue.. i realize how hard it is for her to verbalize her feelings and how much her sense of security is important to her (and being independent as she is.. made me feel she was a lot more self secure than in fact she was).
Very glad to hear that. As discussed above, it's a very necessary part of a strong relationship.
quote:i need verbalization to feel secure and go into action.. she needs action to feel more secure which increases the odds of her being more verbal.
The circle of life! We're exactly the same way.
quote:sharing this with my fiance has gotten her interested in this site a bit more.. and also my site too. she says she's respecting this place more because it's not about a ton of guys drooling and gawking over feet and acting the fool.. but about men being real about what they like..
She's a pretty open minded little gal, but I think if she looks a little closer she'll see just a bit of drooling and gawking, even from yours truly. Glad she's taken more of an interest. If nothing else it should reinforce the fact that you're not some isolated, perverted head case and that there are MANY others like you. I'd give lots of money to be able to get my wifr to see and understand that. Not that it's critical, but it would give me a little more peace of mind. But we are indeed trying to be fair, honest and open about what part our fetish plays in each of our relationships.
Posts: 9728 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Thanks for the positive comments about my post. One of the great things I love about this board is that, as you both have said, people talk openly about their feelings and aren't just fixed on foot-related orgasms. (Not that they're a bad thing, of course!) Anyhow... I get the feeling that, not to stereotype, BUT... guys with a foot fetish seem to be more compassionate, more introspective and thoughtful, more caring. I think I am. Do you think it's true for the majority of us? I do.
(Ain't it great to humbly be superior to the rest of the world? LOL)
Hey, Footluvr -- I was thinking about your appreciation of wet feet. I live on a dirt road, and nearby, a stream runs over the road. You have to drive through it to go any further. I was thinking about taking some photos of my wife walking through it for you, and posting them. She has what I consider to be great feet. Any specific requests along that line? Let me know. (Hurry though, it won't be too long before it freezes over!! It's been getting chilly here in New England!)
quote:Originally posted by Flicker: Hey, Footluvr -- I was thinking about taking some photos of my wife walking through it for you, and posting them.
What an incredible offer. You're wife's a real honey if she'd consdider doing this for another foot-luvin' guy. That'd be great. I'll PM you with some requests.
Posts: 9728 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Flicker: I was thinking about taking some photos of my wife walking through it for you, and posting them.
What an awesome idea Flicker!
Same goes for me, feetluvr. Let me know if you'd like me to take "walking through water / puddles" themed pictures of my lady for you. I'd be happy to oblige a foot-brother.
Best wishes!
-------------------- I love stinky wrinkled soles! Posts: 130 | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by nose4toes: Same goes for me, feetluvr. Let me know if you'd like me to take "walking through water / puddles" themed pictures of my lady for you. I'd be happy to oblige a foot-brother.
You guys are awesome! I wish like anything that my wife was at a place that I could do the same for you guys, unfortunately she's not. I'd deeply appreciate anything you do. I'll send you the PM I sent Flicker.
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I was going to PM you with this, but I figured I'd share it with everyone.
We were out shoe shopping earlier today, and we saw a pair of flip flops that we bought to take some "wet feet" type pictures. She's not really a fan of flat soled footware, but these seemed kinda cute.
Here are some pictures, let me know if this is the style you had in mind:
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